I Want to Help Others, But I Can’t Even Help Myself

I’ve had many dreams, many ambitions and many goals. Some for myself, and some because others told me that’s what I wanted. A dream that’s stuck with me for years is wanting to help others. Not through charity, law, or anything conventional. I want to travel the world. I want to meet a lot of people. I want to know their stories. Regardless of their background, they could be criminals, saviours, rich or poor, they could be happy and surrounded by love, or they could be extremely lonely. I just want to listen without any judgement. I want to feel what they felt. I want to know them as deeply as they know themselves. I want a glimpse of a thousand lives. And I want to write it down. I want to get it published and I want the world to be able to take a look. I want to know about their culture, their language, their past, their upbringing, their friends, their enemies, their happiness, their sorrows and the fears they’ve kept for all these years and the fears they’ve overcome and, their hopes & beliefs too.

How does this help them? We all have our stories. Does it not help to know you’re not alone? Does it not help to feel like you belong? We’re all connected and sometimes tuning in and checking in on eachother is all we need. A random stranger on the bus might have a lot more in common with you than your friend of 10 years. You might feel seen in someone else’s struggles or success.

The news we see every day shakes our faith in humanity. This slow but steady growth of hatred and insecurity grows on everyone. I believe the simple act of listening, of understanding eachother helps. I believe in humanity. I believe in this universal connection. And I want to see it. I want to understand it.

This seems very noble, almost like the start of an incredible adventure. But where am I now? I barely know how to help myself. I can barely get by the day without feeling like theres a void in me. I want someone to see me and understand me. For some reason I feel like I’ll only get what I give. So I listen. I spend time with my friends. I talk to them and I feel a lot better. Maybe I dont know who I am, what I am doing, or even where I’ll go next. How do I help others when I can’t help myself? How do I even get to the position of being able to travel, of being able to be an extrovert enough to talk to a stranger, to have the confidence of knowing that I’ll do their story justice with my writing. Truth is, I dont know and maybe, I never will. Much of life is less of answers and more of questions. The only thing I can do right now is survive and have faith that in time I’ll be at the right place, at the right time, with the right people. I think the only thing that I can do now to not lose my sanity is to be ruthlessly optimistic and have this incredible faith that I will succeed, that I will do exceptionally well. That I will be known for my good qualities and kind personality. I know I will be huge. The only thing I can do right now is to keep trying, keep exploring, keep my head held high and not lose myself.

I want to help others. And so, I will help myself. I deserve to live a full and happy life. I deserve to live all my dreams. And the world deserves to see me, it deserves to see all the untold stories.

Everyone has a story. I will keep sharing mine. One day, I’ll be fortunate enough to do this for others. I look forward to it.

What about you? What’s your story?

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