From Rage to Relief: Why Sadness wins over Anger

I used to be an aggressive kid. Not all that bad. But I remember many instances of me being rude to my friends for the smallest of things, hurting my younger brother and so on. I also remember resenting myself for it later when I cooled down. I was young and I was confused. It did not make sense to me. How do I not feel anger? How can I just avoid something as frequent of an emotion as that? And what can I do to control it? I think I was in 5th or 6th grade when I started to ponder about this. Slowly the realisation hit me. It was never really anger but rather sadness of some sort(frustration, fear, pain, insecurity and so on).

I recently came across a TED talk video on “Reading Body Language” by Janine Driver. She mentioned that anger is a secondary emotion to fear, sadness and anxiety. Once you realise that you are not actually angry you will feel a sense of control over yourself. You are now aware. Back in 6th grade I had decided that I would rather be sad than be angry. Soon angry fits turned into tears, tears made me feel miserable but soon after I felt good. Now there was relief, not resentment. My mind was clearer than before. My emotions and actions made more sense to me.

It’s better to be sad than to be angry. Anger hurts others and sadness forces you to deal with yourself. We usually tend to take the easier route without even realising it. At first, when you become conscious of this, it’ll feel strange but it gets better with time. Soon you’ll learn to regulate your emotions in a healthy way. You’ll notice yourself being more patient, kind, and calm. You won’t be as judgemental as you were before and it’ll become rarer for you to be triggered.

By choosing to be aware and vulnerable, we not only heal ourselves but also prevent harm to those around us. Always remember, hurt people hurt people.